As anyone who is trying to adopt domestically in the United States can tell you, it’s a highly competitive and difficult process. In open adoptions especially, part of that competition takes place in adoption agency portfolios, in “Dear Birthmother Letters” or on the Internet in “Dear Birthparent” sites such as AdoptionOnline.com ( www.adoptiononline.com).

A potential Birthparent may view dozens of prospective adoptive parent profiles, but has to decide on which ones to learn about in depth. While you can think of this process in many ways, one useful analogy is that of a sales pitch. The key to a successful pitch is getting your foot in the door so that the client (Birthparent) will choose to learn more about the product (the prospective adoptive family). Thinking about it in this way, may help you to more carefully construct your portfolio.

Your key to getting a potential Birthparent interested in learning more about you, may well depend upon the first impression you generate with the pictures you have chosen. If the readers do not get a good first impression from the photos, they may never read the “Dear Birthparent” letter you have worked so hard to create.

So what makes a good photo? Here are some tips:

• Use current pictures.
  O.K. so maybe you were thinner a few years ago, had a few less wrinkles or more hair, but who you are NOW is what matters. In our opinion, not using a current photo is the worst mistake you can make.

  Why? Because it’s a lie.

  You have made a first impression on a potential birthparent by starting off with a lie. Eventually, they WILL meet you and discover the truth. If you have lied to them from the start, how can they trust anything else you have said? How many initial meetings with birthparents result in disappointment and failure because of this simple (yet seemingly innocuous) lie? It is impossible to know.
  Don’t do it.

• Use flattering pictures.
  Not everyone is a supermodel, and that’s fine, but choose a picture where you look your best. Professional studio photos can be an excellent choice, although they may lack a warmth that non-professional photos have.
• Clothing:
  Choose outfits that fit well and are appropriate to the subject or intention of the picture. For a “front page” introductory photo something you would wear to a nice party is appropriate, while a T-shirt with a “Berts bait and tackle” logo is not. Other photos that show your lifestyle are the place for a more everyday or casual look. For example, a picture of you fishing in your favorite trout pond is a perfect time to wear that T-shirt.
• Lighting:
  Outdoor lighting is best, but can result in pictures where you are squinting, or with unflattering shadows. Your next best choice is indoor lighting from regular light bulbs, not fluorescent or energy saver bulbs. Regular bulbs provide a warmer glow while fluorescent bulbs tend to make you look pale.
• Objects in front of you:
  Pay attention to what is in front of you and behind you (see next suggestion) in the picture. Yes, you look great at your sisters wedding, but that half eaten chicken and dirty napkin in front of you ruins the effect. Even a simple glass of beer may give an impression you didn’t intend.
• Background:
  Look carefully at the background in the picture. We have seen many pictures taken at parties, outdoors or other locations where the background can be distracting or even unintentionally funny. Examples include pictures taken with a shinny object in the background (which produces a distracting reflection if a flash is used), tree branches, statues or body parts of other people that appear to be growing out of the subjects head, or signs with words or pictures that are distracting.
• Pictures taken from too far away.
  Make sure you are the focus of the picture. Your image should take up at least 50% of the picture. On your last vacation, you found the Grand Canyon to be the most amazing sight you have ever seen, so you had someone take your picture. Sure, they captured the grandeur of the canyon, but you appear to be the size of an ant. Don’t use it! The “Dear Birthparent” portfolio is about you! When you are selected, you will have a lifetime to share all those other wonderful pictures.

When you have finally decided what pictures to use, show them to friends and family members. Encourage them to be brutally honest. They are not doing you a favor if they think a picture stinks and they don’t tell you. In trying not to hurt your feelings, they may be unintentionally sabotaging your dream of building a family.

Remember, it doesn’t matter if your portfolio is on the Internet or at an adoption agency. Like it or not, you are competing against all the other families available to a potential Birthparent.

Yes, you do have something special to offer to a child, unique experiences and perspectives to share, and a lifetime of love to give. But a potential Birthparent will never discover this about you if they don’t read your letter.

Make a good first impression, choose your photos carefully.

Bob Chidekel

The opinions expressed by the author are his own, based on over 12 years of experience with hundreds of “Dear Birthparent” letters and photos. Birthparents choose families to adopt their babies for many reasons. The suggestions made here are not the result of scientific research and may or may not increase your chances of adopting.